In my youth, I was TOTALLY into wrestling. Nah, none of that olympic gold medal shit. I watched the REAL stuff (which, ironically, is also the FAKE stuff). I like blood, and tits, and steel chairs, and tits, and battle royales, and tits, and finally . . . tits. Wrestling embodied all those attributes and and whole lot more. I've never been fortunate enough to attend a live wrestling show. I would always hear about Monday Night Raw or Monday Night Nitro coming to the Cow Palace or some shit, and always get bummed when my parents wouldn't take me. Because of that, there has always been a little teeny tiny empty hole in my heart that has never been filled. Due to a certain event known as "growing the fuck up," my passion for half-naked men grappling in each others arms has sorta kinda fizzled out. With that said, i'm afraid i'll never experience the spectacle of professional wrestling live and in the sweaty flesh.
Well, i just saw an 80 year old woman get right-hooked to the face, so i guess that's the next best thing.
And she was wearing GLASSES!
These dudes were i guess trying to steal the cash register from 88 Rice Bowl. Who the fuck tries to steal an actual cash register? I took a look at those cats, and from the looks of them, i doubt they could carry a Thanksgiving turkey (much less a cash register). Well, when their plans blew up in their face they tried to escape....too bad the manager lady was blocking their way. One of the dudes flat-out SOCKED her in the eye . . . which of course broke her glasses. One of the workers there was wearing a white shirt, which quickly turned to red when he helped her to a seat to rest up.
I saw the aftermath in her face: it was disgusting. It was all swollen shut, and there's no doubt in my mind that there were a few shards of doctor-prescribed glass lodged in her eyeball and surrounding regions.
I saw the dude strut his way out of there. Nope, he didn't run, He STRUTTED. Like fucking John Travolta in SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER. The dude is sort of an asshole, but i gotta give him props for style. I haven't seen such stylish combat maneuvers since . . . well, since ever. It was sorta like Michael Jackson in the music video for "Smooth Criminal"
THE DARK KNIGHT comes out in like 2 weeks and fuuuuuck i really feel like i let Heath Ledger down. If he were in my undead shoes, he would've dropped his Skatebook #2 and James Kelch New Era hat to the floor, and tackled that hubba-hoodrat-hoochie to the ground. That's what HEROES do. Oh shit, doesn't he play the Joker? The Joker's the antagonist of the movie, right? WHOOPS.
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In other news, the girls of my dreams were at the FTC party tonight! OH shit, i took a Polaroid of them with my mind and saved it in my DO NOT ERASE file.
