SLOBBAKNOCKAAAAAAA

In my youth, I was TOTALLY into wrestling. Nah, none of that olympic gold medal shit. I watched the REAL stuff (which, ironically, is also the FAKE stuff). I like blood, and tits, and steel chairs, and tits, and battle royales, and tits, and finally . . . tits. Wrestling embodied all those attributes and and whole lot more. I've never been fortunate enough to attend a live wrestling show. I would always hear about Monday Night Raw or Monday Night Nitro coming to the Cow Palace or some shit, and always get bummed when my parents wouldn't take me. Because of that, there has always been a little teeny tiny empty hole in my heart that has never been filled. Due to a certain event known as "growing the fuck up," my passion for half-naked men grappling in each others arms has sorta kinda fizzled out. With that said, i'm afraid i'll never experience the spectacle of professional wrestling live and in the sweaty flesh.

Well, i just saw an 80 year old woman get right-hooked to the face, so i guess that's the next best thing.

And she was wearing GLASSES!

These dudes were i guess trying to steal the cash register from 88 Rice Bowl. Who the fuck tries to steal an actual cash register? I took a look at those cats, and from the looks of them, i doubt they could carry a Thanksgiving turkey (much less a cash register). Well, when their plans blew up in their face they tried to escape....too bad the manager lady was blocking their way. One of the dudes flat-out SOCKED her in the eye . . . which of course broke her glasses. One of the workers there was wearing a white shirt, which quickly turned to red when he helped her to a seat to rest up.

I saw the aftermath in her face: it was disgusting. It was all swollen shut, and there's no doubt in my mind that there were a few shards of doctor-prescribed glass lodged in her eyeball and surrounding regions.

I saw the dude strut his way out of there. Nope, he didn't run, He STRUTTED. Like fucking John Travolta in SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER. The dude is sort of an asshole, but i gotta give him props for style. I haven't seen such stylish combat maneuvers since . . . well, since ever. It was sorta like Michael Jackson in the music video for "Smooth Criminal"


THE DARK KNIGHT comes out in like 2 weeks and fuuuuuck i really feel like i let Heath Ledger down. If he were in my undead shoes, he would've dropped his Skatebook #2 and James Kelch New Era hat to the floor, and tackled that hubba-hoodrat-hoochie to the ground. That's what HEROES do. Oh shit, doesn't he play the Joker? The Joker's the antagonist of the movie, right? WHOOPS.


___________

In other news, the girls of my dreams were at the FTC party tonight! OH shit, i took a Polaroid of them with my mind and saved it in my DO NOT ERASE file.

HOTTEST GIRL IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND

i took a picture of the back of her head with my phone but the quality of it stinks like crotch . . . so here's a somewhat stream-of-conscious picture post that will hopefully capture and project her spirit faithfully:


















































fuck it, i'm too lazy to post any pictures. Lets just say she was a mix of the girl who plays Luna Lovegood in the HARRY POTTER movies, courtney love, and Tinkerbell (the animated version, NOT julia roberts). Mmmmm, what a yummy combination.


CHIPOTLE was giving out FREE burritos today and oooh wee are they a doozey. I suggest requesting extra cum . . . errr, i mean sour cream. Is that what i meant? Maybe. I went down to Westlake Shopping Center and MAN it looks differennnnnnnnnnnt. I haven't been there since they closed down JC Penny. So what is that . . . like, 8 years?

I saw THE WACKNESS last night. It was alright. I dunno, i've been bored with everything lately. It's by no means horrible, though. The soundtrack is killer, and the film really captured the 90's perfectly. Olivia Thirlby is hottttttt, and Mary-Kate Olson steals the show. I had no idea she had actual, legitimate acting chops. She's in the movie for a full 5 minutes, but those 5 minutes are superb.

HARDY HAR HAR

they showed this clip on JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE last night and i laughed very much:

BRUNETTE . . . BLONDE . . .

. . . pink.







In N Out is overrated. Good, but overrated.

THE ONLY WAY I'LL STOP EATING TOMATOES IS IF YOU FUCKING SHOOT ME WITH A SHOTGUN WITHIN ONE INCH OF MY FACE (OVER MY DEAD BODY, SAL)

I was watching the news this morning and Sal Castaneda told me not to eat tomatoes or something anymore . . . and you know what? Fuck you, man! I'll eat as much tomatoes as i want you big fucking liar! Remember that time you said it was gonna be a hot scorching day, and it ended up raining?!?!?!? I got super soaked! Haha, the jokes on you Sal! I went to the gayest building in all of San Francisco this morning to do some gay stuff and i got treated to lunch . . . Escape from New York Pizza - veggie, pestato, bbq chicken, and margeretta. Oh, and some idiot ordered one box of Hawaiian. Good job, genius! Well yeah, there were hella tomatoes up in there, and i refused to take a single one off.





UP YOURS, SAL!














i'm starting to feel a little sick.

I HATE TO ADMIT IT . . .

. . . but the new N.E.R.D album is actually pretty good. The entire disc just leaked out and i took it upon myself to not support the band and download the album onto my desktop free-of-charge. Take that, Pharell! The Asian dude is cool, though. Fuck, i feel guilty now.

Ok, guilt gone! Track number 7 in particular is quite epic.












Pharell wouldn't last SIX SECONDS at CSP: